Are you stuck?

It is interesting how we if we betray ourselves or the intuition that we feel that we can get stuck.  One of the first women psychologist came up with the Grief Cycle.  The only way to get out of it is by having hope!  I have felt stuck and many different times in my life.  It is exciting to know that in order to be free, and unstuck from the chains that weigh us down, all we have to do is go to the Lord in sincere prayer.  At times this can be more difficult than others to swallow our pride.  But the more often we practice going to the Lord in Prayer the more often we are able to do it and get unstuck.

Maurice Harker is a psychologist and he says that depression is so convoluted.  While we can spend a lot of time in sadness, we can also spend a lot of time in other parts of the Grief Cycle.

We typically start in Denial.  To me this is the self denial.  If you have read Leadership and Self Deception or The Anatomy of Peace by the Arbinger Institute then you can better understand this concept.  An example is shared that seeing someone that you dislike tripping and slipping their pouch of money, when you see this your first thought/response is to help them pick it up.  But you don't want to, there are several different options that can betray the self. You can quickly avert your eyes  and act like you didn't see it. Or just think mean thoughts, or laugh etc.  But by choosing to deny the original thought we are committing an act of self-betrayal. When this happens - to me - is when we get on and can get stuck in the grief cycle.

Denial - Bargaining (Thinking Stage) Which can lead to a tiny fretting cycle (uninspired thinking)- Anger - Sadness - Resolution

At any point in the cycle we can find hope (inspired thinking), by repenting and/or praying.  We can break free from the depression or chains that are keeping us stuck in one of these area.

For me I have noticed that I can spiral down at any of these stages, or I can choose to have hope.

That Maurice Harker explains the Grief Cycle in this awesome video:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ItHpUmNx0_s&t=20s

Why Family Vision?

"What is she not seeing?" 

We sometimes may wonder when trying to help our child through a problem.  Elder Bednar taught :  "What doctrine or principle if understand would change her attitude or behavior?"  

Boyd K. Packer said "True doctrine or principles "understood" changes attitudes and behaviors quicker than a study of behavior." So what true doctrine do they need, and how can I help them to better understand it? Understanding is a spiritual gift,  something that happens when our great is open and teachable.

Doctrines answer the question WHY. Why are we here? What is our purpose? Our mission? When we obtain a vision of why we are here and what God wants from us, it inspires us to do good and to be good.

It is not enough that we are saved. It is my belief that when we get the pearly gates, if we are alone, we will be asked where is the rest of your family?

It is our mission in life to help lead our family members to Christ.  To be Saviors on Mount Zion. 
But the fiery darts of the adversary can take us off course and we become blind.

If we hearken unto the word of God we will not perish, nor will the fiery darts overpower us unto blindness.  We will not be destroyed.  (1 Nephi 15: 24)

In addition to the word of God (Scriptures, Conference Talks, and Personal Revelation/Testimony) the shield of faith can quench those darts. (Ephesians 6:16)

Satan through the ages has tempted many people, some well documented temptations are the examples of Moses and Jesus Christ.  They both had to cast him out.  And Moses had to cast him out three times before he finally left!  We need to know what the strategy and battle plan of the adversary is.  Howard W. Hunter went more into depth on these in his October 1976 talk titled "Temptations of Christ."

Christ was taken by an angel (See the JST version of Matthew 4) into the wilderness after fasting for 40 days and 40 nights.  His first temptation was that of appetite, when he was weak and very hungry, and to eat in a spectacular miraculous way without waiting or postponing.

The second temptation the spirit had taken Jesus up to a pinnacle of the temple.  Satan tempted him to throw himself down into a large group of people, and have God and angels save him.  This was have been an example of great public recognition and fame throughout the land.

The third temptation Jesus was taken by the spirit to a high mountain. He was promised kingdoms and glory.  "It is the proposition that everyone has a price, that material things finally matter most, that ultimately you can buy anything in this world for money."

Each time Jesus was tempted he quoted a scripture.
https://www.lds.org/general-conference/1976/10/the-temptations-of-christ?lang=eng

Is it vain to care what other people think us?  

What is vanity? 

According to the 1828 dictionary (the dictionary before the meanings became changed or altered and corrupted to have new meanings) It is emptiness, want of substance to satisfy desire, untruth, empty pleasure, vain pursuit, arrogance, unsubstantial enjoyment, inflation of the mind on upon slight grounds.
http://webstersdictionary1828.com/Dictionary/vanity

We now believe it only means: "excessive pride in or admiration of one's own appearance or achievements, the quality of being worthless or futile, or a dressing table."  Vanity is more than just being concerned with our appearance.  In the scriptures it says the people were neat and comely but they did not have costly apparel. 

Why was the apparel so costly?  

Was it the price of the item, the quantity of money spent?  

Or was it because of the emptiness that it can fill our soul with when he seek the wrong allegiance?

Do we care more about what the world thinks about us than God and our family?  

Who is our allegiance to?

In Proverbs 29:18 "Where there is no vision the people perish."

So when people get all excited and make vision boards is this something that God wants us to do? 

What about family visions?

Are these just another trend? 

Elder Ballard in his April 2017 General Conference address Return and Receive said:
"Over the years, I have observed that those who accomplish the most in this world are those with a vision for their lives, with goals to keep them focused on their vision and tactical plans for how to achieve them. Knowing where you are going and how you expect to get there can bring meaning, purpose, and accomplishment to life.

Some have difficulty differentiating between a goal and a plan until they learn that a goal is a destination or an end, while a plan is the route by which you get there. For example, we can have a goal to drive to a certain unfamiliar location, and as some of you dear sisters know, we men often think we know how to get there—often resulting in our saying, “I know it must be just around the next corner.” My wife must be smiling. The goal was clear, but there wasn’t a good plan in place to reach the destination.

Goal setting is essentially beginning with the end in mind. And planning is devising a way to get to that end."
https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2017/04/return-and-receive?lang=eng

What we focus on expands!  Let me repeat, What we focus on expands or grows.  

Do we sometimes focus on the weakness of others or ourselves?  

Does that make our weakness get bigger and more pronounced? 

Is this what we want? 

"In the Sermon on the Mount, the Savior revealed one of the greatest insights to this human tendency, and gave what is sometimes called the Change-First Principle. He said: 

“And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother’s [or spouse’s] eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye?

“Or how wilt thou say to thy brother [or spouse], Let me pull out the mote out of thine eye; and, behold, a beam is in thine own eye?

“Thou hypocrite, first cast out the beam out of thine own eye; and then shalt thou see clearly to cast out the mote out of thy brother’s [or spouse’s] eye.” (Matt. 7:3–5.)

Jesus was a carpenter. For him, a beam was a large piece of wood and a mote was a small speck of sawdust. In metaphor, he was asking his disciples (including husbands and wives) why they were so skilled in perceiving the small inadequacies in others and yet were oblivious or nearly blinded to their own larger imperfections. To overcome this common human weakness, Jesus admonished them to change first—to “cast out” or overcome their own imperfections—and then they would be less inclined to try to change someone else’s smaller inadequacies."
https://www.lds.org/ensign/1992/09/to-build-a-better-marriage?lang=eng

We have been taught to first pull the beam out of our own eye before we try to cast the mote out of our neighbors eye.  It is must easier to see other peoples faults, than to see our own.

Okay so we all have weaknesses.  And it is often to see other peoples before we can see our own.  But we are just practicing and learning.  The Lord will help us.  In fact, he gave us these weaknesses for our own benefit!

Why are we given weaknesses?

"According to His celestial chemistry, the Lord gives us weakness to facilitate our becoming strong in the only way that matters in time and eternity—through Him. He says: “And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them” (Ether 12:27).
https://www.lds.org/ensign/2017/12/joseph-smith-strength-out-of-weakness?lang=eng

God wants us to be humble, faithful, and strong.  We need humility to obtain an awareness and recognize our faults.  We need to be faithful and rely on his changing power.  Then he can make weak things become strong.

We need to know who our allegiance is to.  We were given agency.  That means we can be agents of good/God or agents for evil.  If we choose an allegiance to God then we need to follow his plan and path for us.

We need to know who we are following and what is his plan for us? 

What is our individual mission? 

Why were we put in families? 

We were we put in a certain birth order? 

What are we supposed to learn from this? 

And how are we supposed to help our family?  

God is a creator.   God created everything spiritually before it was created physically.  We too must spiritually plan out what we want our family relationships to look like.

"A key to happiness lies in understanding what destinations truly matter—and then spending our time, effort, and attention on the things that constitute a sure way to arrive there." (Return and Receive - M. Russell Ballard)
https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2017/04/return-and-receive?lang=eng

Just as testimonies come in the bearing, I believe that strong bonded families come with that is our focus.  When we change the way we speak about our family.  When we revere and honor our spouse and children, they hear this and they become it.  What we focus on expands. 

"The gift of foresight is understanding a child's true identity."

"[We as parents can be] granted the extraordinary gift of a glimpse into eternity and of beholding the true identity and premortal stature of their children. Would that not forever change the way [we] saw and treated [our] children? I like this variation of a quote attributed to Goethe: “The way you see [a child] is the way you treat them, and the way you treat them is [who] they [will] become.”10 To remember a child’s true identity is a gift of foresight that divinely inspires the vision of a righteous judge."
(The Righteous Judge - Lynn G Robbins)
https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2016/10/the-righteous-judge?lang=eng

What fiery darts are we not seeing? 

What are we blinded to? 

Christ can give us spiritual eyes to see.  As we gain a vision of what we want our families to look like, we gain sight.  We can pray and ask God what is his desire for our family?

What should our relationships should look like? 

What goals should we have? 

What we focus on expands!  Let us be like our Father in Heaven and spiritual create a roadmap for our families.  An ideal picture that that reminds and inspires us to be better each day.

"To assist us, His Church provides patriarchal blessings to give each recipient a vision for his or her future as well as a connection with the past, even a declaration of lineage back to Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob." - M. Russell Nelson (Covenants, Ensign April 2011)

May we have foresight and become righteous judges who understand our true identity, the identity of our children, and the identity of our families is my prayer.

Dreams & Acquiring Personal Revelation

We are commanded to Hold on to the Iron Rod which is a symbol for the word of God
.  The Word of God has three important parts:

Scriptures 

Words of the Prophets

Personal Revelation 

For LDS individuals this means: The Standard Works, COnference Talks, and Personal Impressions that do not conflict with the two above listed. 

https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2012/04/how-to-obtain-revelation-and-inspiration-for-your-personal-life?lang=eng

Richard G. Scott shared a very personal experience about receiving inspiration through dreams.  He said:

"It is important that our daily activities do not distract us from listening to the Spirit.

Revelation can also be given in a dream when there is an almost imperceptible transition from sleep to wakefulness. If you strive to capture the content immediately, you can record great detail, but otherwise it fades rapidly. Inspired communication in the night is generally accompanied by a sacred feeling for the entire experience. The Lord uses individuals for whom we have great respect to teach us truths in a dream because we trust them and will listen to their counsel. It is the Lord doing the teaching through the Holy Ghost. However, He may in a dream make it both easier to understand and more likely to touch our hearts by teaching us through someone we love and respect.

When it is for the Lord’s purposes, He can bring anything to our remembrance. That should not weaken our determination to record impressions of the Spirit. Inspiration carefully recorded shows God that His communications are sacred to us. Recording will also enhance our ability to recall revelation. Such recording of direction of the Spirit should be protected from loss or intrusion by others."

Putting on the Whole Armor of God - Conversion

We can only invite others to change.  We can testify and bring something UNTO someone's heart.  But they have to invite it INTO their heart. (Bednar - Increase in Learning chapter 2)

Harold B. Lee told this story:

"The Apostle Peter born a fervent testimony of Christ when he was asked:  "But whom say ye that I am?"  He said: "Thou art the Christ, the Son of the living God."  The Master then replied, "Blessed art though, Simon Barjona, for flesh and blood hath not revealed it unto thee, but my Father which is in heaven."  (Matthew 16:13-17)

Peter had received a revelation.  He knew that Jesus was the Christ, the Savior of the world, the divine Son of God.  Now, it could only have been a year or so after this incident when the Master turned to Peter with a rebuke.  We do not know what it was that caused him to rebuke Simon Peter, but he said: "Simon, Simon, behold, Satan hath desired to have you. that he may sift you as wheat: But I have prayed fro thee, that they faith fail not: and when thou art converted, strengthen they brethren." (Luke 22:31-32 Italics added.)

As you can see, one is converted when he sees with his eyes what he ought to see; when he hears with his ears what he ought to hear; and when he understands with his heart what he ought to understand—then he is converted. And what he ought to see, hear, and understand is truth—eternal truth—and then practice it. That is conversion. But when he fails to see, and fails to hear, and fails to understand truth and apply it in his life for some reason, then that man has lost his faith. He has lost his testimony because of something he has done. Remember, the Lord then told Peter to go out and regain what he had lost.

"One is converted when he sees with his eyes what he ought to see; when he hearts with his ears what he ought to heart; and when he understands with his heart what he ought to understand - then he is converted.  And what he ought to see, hear, and understand is truth - eternal truth - and then practice it.  That is conversion.  But when he fails to see, and fails to hear, and fails to understand truth and apply it in his life for some reason, then that man has lost his faith.  He has lost his testimony because of something he has done.  Remember, the Lord then Told Peter to go out and regain what he had lost."

https://www.lds.org/new-era/1971/02/when-your-heart-tells-you-things-your-mind-does-not-know?lang=eng

When we are converted we see what we should see, we hear what we should hear, we understand what we should understand, and we do something about it.  We then have a testimony.

According to David A. Bednar in order to understand something in our heart, it is something spiritual.  It is a spiritual gift. 

"...understanding is linked first and foremost to the heart. Clearly we must use our minds and our rational capacity however, we at not explicitly counseled to apply our minds, but our hearts, in seeking to understand.  Perhaps the implication of the scriptures is that reason and "the arm of the flesh" (D&C 1:19) are not sufficient to engender true understanding.  The word understanding as used in the sciprtures does not refere solely or even primarily to intellectual or cognitive comprehension.  Rather, when the Holy Ghost confirms in our hearts as true what we know in our inds, understanding occurs.

We begin to understand and experience a mighty change of heart as testimony and conviction move from our heads to our hearts.  Thoughts and feelings put into our hearts by the Holy Ghost (see D&C 100:5-8; 8:2) are a result of the spiritual gift of revelation. Understanding, then is a revealed conclusion and a spiritual gift."

(Bednar - Increase in Learning, Chapter 2: Knowledge Understanding, and Intelligence, pg. 67)

But Satan will fight against our heart.  We must also understand the strategic tactics of the enemy.

Here are some "some very cunning and effective ways that the “wicked one” prevents people from progressing and receiving more light (D&C 93:39).

Many gospel principles come in pairs, meaning one is incomplete without the other. I want to refer to three of these doctrinal pairs today:

• Agency and responsibility
• Mercy and justice
• Faith and works

When Satan is successful in dividing doctrinal pairs, he begins to wreak havoc upon mankind. It is one of his most cunning strategies to keep people from growing in the light.

The Korihor Principle—Separating Agency from Responsibility

The Nehor Principle—Denying Justice

Agency without responsibility is one of the foremost anti-Christ doctrines—very cunning in its nature and very destructive in its results.

The Anti-Responsibility List

To illustrate, I want to share a list of things that Satan tempts people to either say or do to avoid being responsible. This list isn’t all-inclusive, but I believe it covers his most common tactics.

1. Blaming others: Saul disobediently took of the spoils of war from the Amalekites; then, when confronted by Samuel, he blamed the people (see 1 Samuel 15:21).

2. Rationalizing or justifying: Saul then rationalized or justified his disobedience, stating that the saved livestock was for “sacrifice unto the Lord” (1 Samuel 15:21; see also verse 22).

3. Making excuses: Excuses come in a thousand varieties, such as this one from Laman and Lemuel: “How is it possible that the Lord will deliver Laban into our hands? Behold, he is a mighty man, and he can command fifty, yea, even he can slay fifty; then why not us?” (1 Nephi 3:31).

4. Minimalizing or trivializing sin: This is exactly what Nehor advocated (see Alma 1:3–4).

5. Hiding: This is a common avoidance technique. It is a tactic Satan used with Adam and Eve after they partook of the forbidden fruit (see Moses 4:14).

6. Covering up: Closely associated with hiding is covering up, which David attempted to do to conceal his affair with Bathsheba (see 2 Samuel 12:9, 12).

7. Fleeing from responsibility: This is something Jonah tried to do (see Jonah 1:3).

8. Abandoning responsibility: Similar to fleeing is abandoning responsibility. One example is when Corianton forsook his ministry in pursuit of the harlot Isabel (see Alma 39:3).

9. Denying or lying: “And Saul said . . . : I have performed the commandment of the Lord. And Samuel said, What meaneth then this bleating of the sheep in mine ears . . . ?” (1 Samuel 15:13–14).

10. Rebelling: Samuel then rebuked Saul “for rebellion.” “Because thou hast rejected the word of the Lord, he hath also rejected thee from being king” (1 Samuel 15:23).

11. Complaining and murmuring: One who rebels also complains and murmurs: “And all the children of Israel murmured against Moses and . . . said . . . , Would God that we had died in the land of Egypt!” (Numbers 14:2).

12. Finding fault and getting angry: These two are closely associated, as described by Nephi: “And it came to pass that Laman was angry with me, and also with my father; and also was Lemuel” (1 Nephi 3:28).

13. Making demands and entitlements: “We will not that our younger brother shall be a ruler over us. And it came to pass that Laman and Lemuel did take me and bind me with cords, and they did treat me with much harshness” (1 Nephi 18:10–11).

14. Doubting, losing hope, giving up, and quitting: “Our brother is a fool. . . . For they did not believe that I could build a ship” (1 Nephi 17:17–18).

15. Indulging in self-pity and a victim ­mentality: “Behold, these many years we have suffered in the wilderness, which time we might have enjoyed our possessions and the land of our inheritance; yea, and we might have been happy” (1 Nephi 17:21).

16. Being indecisive or being in a spiritual ­stupor: The irony with indecision is that if you don’t make a decision in time, time will make a decision for you.

17. Procrastinating: A twin of indecision is ­procrastination. “But behold, your days of probation are past; ye have procrastinated the day of your salvation until it is everlastingly too late” (Helaman 13:38).

18. Allowing fear to rule: This one is also related to hiding: “And I was afraid, and went and hid thy talent in the earth. . . . His lord answered and said unto him, Thou wicked and slothful servant” (Matthew 25:25–26).

19. Enabling: An example of enabling or ­helping others to avoid responsibility is the instance when Eli failed to discipline his sons for their grievous sins and was rebuked by the Lord: “Wherefore kick ye at my sacrifice and . . . honourest thy sons above me . . . ? (1 Samuel 2:29; see also verses 22–36).

When you consider this list with Laman and Lemuel in mind, you will see that they were guilty of nearly everything on the list. It is this list that destroyed Laman and Lemuel. It is an extremely dangerous list.

When reading 1 Nephi and 2 Nephi, we can only try to imagine how difficult it was for the members of Lehi’s family to leave their home, obtain the brass plates, camp out for eight years in the wilderness, and build a large ocean-going vessel. The responsibility that faced the ­family was indeed formidable. Yet, as difficult as a responsibility may be, “difficulty is the excuse history never accepts,”³ as is so graphically illustrated in the case of Laman and Lemuel.

Difficult situations are the test of one’s faith, to see if we will go forward with either a believing heart (see D&C 64:34) or a doubting heart (see D&C 58:29), if at all. A difficult situation reveals a person’s character and either strengthens it, as with Nephi, or weakens and corrupts it, as with Laman and Lemuel, who epitomize what it means to be irresponsible (see Alma 62:41).

Excuses Do Not Equal Results

It is important to recognize that excuses never equal results. In the case of Laman and Lemuel, all the excuses in the world could never obtain the brass plates. The reason Nephi obtained the plates and Laman and Lemuel didn’t is because Nephi never went to the anti-responsibility list. He was a champion, and champions do not turn to the list. As Elder David B. Haight of the Quorum of the Twelve stated, “A determined man finds a way; the other man finds an excuse.”⁴

If the anti-responsibility list is so dangerous, why do so many people frequently turn to it? Because the natural man is irresponsible by nature, he goes to the list as a defense mechanism to avoid shame and embarrassment, stress and anxiety, and the pain and negative consequences of mistakes and sin. Rather than repent to eliminate guilt, he sedates it with excuses. It gives him a false sense that his environment or someone else is to blame, and therefore he has no need to repent.

The anti-responsibility list could also be called the anti-faith list because it halts progress dead in its tracks. When Satan tempts a person to avoid responsibility, that person subtly surrenders their agency because the person is no longer in control or “acting.” Instead they become an object who is being acted upon, and Satan cleverly begins to control their life."

In summary, being 100 percent responsible is accepting yourself as the person in control of your life. If others are at fault and need to change before further progress is made, then you are at their mercy and they are in control over the positive outcomes or desired results in your life. Agency and responsibility are inseparably connected. You cannot avoid responsibility without also diminishing agency. Mercy and justice are also inseparable. You cannot deny the Lord’s justice without also impeding His mercy. Oh, how Satan loves to divide complementary principles and laugh at the resulting devastation!

I invite each one of you to eliminate the anti-responsibility or anti-faith list from your life, even when you are right! It is an anti-happy and an anti-success list even when you are right. It is not a list for the valiant sons and daughters of God who are seeking to become more like Him. It is one of Satan’s foremost tools in controlling and destroying lives. The day a person eliminates the list from their life is the day they regain control over positive outcomes from that point on, and they begin moving forward in the light at an accelerated pace (see D&C 50:24)."

https://speeches.byu.edu/talks/lynn-g-robbins_be-100-percent-responsible/